Witnessing my sister finishing writing her cookbook, made me think that we often follow recipes in our lives. There are recipe for success, for healthy living, and for successful relationship. What is your relationship made of? What ingredients do you put there? Are they fresh and organic or stale, rotten and toxic? How do you prepare it? Do you put it under pressure and it burns out or do you take your time and enjoy the process of preparing equally enjoying working on it and the outcome. What recipes do you follow for your relationship, is it recipe A or B:

Recipe A:

For the base you need:

  • 16 cups of blaming each other
  • 8 spoons of criticism and judgement
  • 1 kg of ineffective communication
  • 2 spoons of ongoing arguments
  • 500 gm of insulting family and friends of each other

Combine with the following:

  • Intimacy problems and not wanting to deal with it
  • Prolonged period of tension, withdrawal and withholding affection
  • Ongoing insults, ridicule, sarcasm and humiliation
  • Inability to relax and huge workload, lack of time spend together enjoying each other
  • Coping with stress by consumption of alcohol, drugs
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Dating, flirting, having affairs with other people


Secret Ingredient: Never forget any mistakes and wrong doings, remind your loved one every time of them

Keep it heated for a prolonged period of time, keep the lid on, and then let it boil until everything is every last drop of love evaporated.

  • Ingredients: may vary with each individual

Recipe B:

  • 8 cups of loving kindness and support
  • 5 cups of love and intimacy
  • 4 spoons of encouragement and empowering each other
  • 3 kg of effective communication, problem solving and conflict resolution
  • 1 truckload of time spend together where both of you have fun and enjoy each other
  • 1 litre of acknowledgement and appreciation ( no limits on “Thank you”)
  • 500 gm of forgiveness and willingness to work together to solve whatever lies ahead

Combine with the following:

  • Sharing important values and believes
  • Recognising and dealing with issues as they arise
  • Learn effective coping strategies including stress management
  • Allow time to spend apart, appreciate each other uniqueness
  • Support each other professional and personal growth
  • Humour, laughter, play in a common place
  • Approximately the same amount of giving and receiving
  • Ingredients: may vary with each individual

Cook slowly, check temperature frequently, do not let it get to hoot, do not stir it up, avoid for it to become too thick or too thin.
This recipe can be modify to suit your individual needs.
Often we don’t notice what we really put into our relationships to make them taste nice. We become so used to the taste, it becomes just “ok”, until you can’t have another bite of it, or feel so sick after, so you decide to stop cooking all together and declare: “I am just not good at cooking” or “I can’t eat your cooking anymore”.

So the recipe you are following in your relationships, what are the ingredients and how do you cook it? Is it time to review if you need to change the recipes and move to a more nutritious ingredient, to help you to feel energised, fulfilled and happy. Write your own recipe for your successful relationship.

Image: Flickr.com
License: Creative Commons Copyright
All rights reserved by Erica Cherup