Stop ruining your life by indulging in fantasies about your ex – either negative or positive ones. Break ups are difficult territory at any time; so don’t make it harder for yourself by falling into some of the most common break-up traps.
If someone just broke your heart, I know you will be in a lot of pain. You might be feeling miserable, losing your appetite, or even staying in bed and not wanting to face the world. Sometimes we end up adding to the hurt by focusing more on the past than on the future. While it isn’t easy to go through the pain of a break-up, you should try to deal with it in a way that gives you the best chance of bouncing back. Here are five important. Break-up Rules:
- Don’t demonize
There might be a strong temptation to tell all your friends about how horrible your ex is and to educate them about his annoying and irritating habits, his selfishness and how unhappy you were. We need to be careful with how we talk about our ex and our past relationships. If he or she was really that awful then it is actually good that the relationship is ending and you will have a chance to meet a decent, loving person. Many people look back and regret being so hateful or strong with their words at the beginning of a breakup.
- Don’t be aggressive
Don’t even start thinking: “I’ll show her”, or “He will regret it”. Don’t plan an elaborate revenge, FB stalking, or real life stalking. Don’t threaten, don’t harass (if you send him 50 messages in a row, it is legal harassment). Just don’t do anything vindictive. You might have very strong feelings and want to punish him or her, but don’t even entertain the idea of aggression. Focus on yourself. Give yourself a chance to recover and move on with your life. You don’t need additional problems like police involvement, acquiring a criminal record or losing your employment because you felt you couldn’t control your anger. If you struggle with managing your difficult emotions, then seek help. Don’t let your break-up pain grow into an act that will ruin your life.
- Don’t romanticize
Conversely, while some focus on painting their ex in the most negative light, others might start dismissing all the negatives and feel as if they have lost the most wonderful person in the world and that they will never again meet anyone who is as good. Seeing your ex suddenly as the most perfect human being is equally as unhelpful as choosing to see them absolutely negatively. If you engage in ‘air-brushing’ the bad moments from your relationship memories and idealizing your flawed ex then you will make it much harder for yourself to deal with the loss of the relationship.
- Don’t self-destruct
There are many ways to self-destruct – binge eating, excess drinking, overspending, sex with strangers you don’t even like, unprotected sex or self-medication. But please, don’t do any of them. Focus on what is the most helpful and healthy thing for you to do, and what is the best way to take care of yourself.
- Don’t get stuck.
You need to take your time to mourn, to accept and to let go of your past relationship, but be careful not to get stuck in your past. Yes, maybe it feels as if he or she was the love of your life and no one could ever be as good for you; however, it is over. They moved on, and so should you. Concentrate on finding your own way to help yourself go forward.
Focus on becoming healthier, growing professionally and personally and connecting with people who matter in your life. You have the capacity to recover and to date again. One more don’t: Don’t deprive yourself of a chance to be happy!