“I just don’t feel confident”, “I wish I had more confidence to go for this promotion – he could see that I have no confidence, that is why he did not choose me.”
Confidence, we often feel, is one of the main factors preventing us from getting what we really want: that job, that girlfriend, or closing that deal. It is important for us to detect confidence in others before we follow them. Confidence is a quality that we admire in others and often wish we possessed as well.
If you are lacking in confidence, what can you do to gain it? The plan is straightforward – follow these three ways towards a more confident you.
- Learn and practise
Yes, learn and practise. You can’t do one without the other. When you learn something new, a knowledge or a skill, only practice will make it valuable. You need to consolidate what you have learnt and also challenge yourself to grow. It is not always obvious, but the most confident people have practised their skills, whether they are TV presenters, people delivering public speeches, musical virtuosos or any other person who is a master of their craft. Identify what skills are lacking, what would benefit you the most in this situation and go ahead and learn and practise this skill.
- Believe – and do what you believe in
It will be easier for you to feel confident if you believe in what you are doing, saying or asking others to do. You can have all the right skills and attitude, but if you are deeply uncomfortable with what you are doing, it might stir up some emotional turmoil for you. Acting against your values and beliefs might make you feel miserable.
Think about people who come across as confident. Can you feel that they believe in themselves and their product? Think about great political leaders and inspirational speakers.
- Identify and address the barriers
As with anything else, there will be plenty of barriers to prevent you from learning and practising the skills to become more confident. Some of them are your own barriers. You might have been saying for years: “I am just shy and have always been shy”, “My parents did not encourage me to participate in debating”, “I don’t have the time to do it now”.
Other barriers can be external. You might feel that with your existing job or relationship there is no way you can start working on your confidence today. Perhaps you need to visualise incentives to feeling confident, like becoming the person you want to be, less stressed, more in control of your life, achieving your goals, feel happy on your own or with a deserving partner.
Whatever your own personal barriers are to being confident, know them: write them down, re-evaluate them, and start addressing them one by one. Let me help you with some of them:
- You don’t need to be a particular body shape to be confident, whatever you are now, take the first step. Imagine the posture of a confident person – is it sluggish or upright, facing down or head held high? Change your posture right now! Act confidently and be confident.
- Create your definition of success. You don’t need to hold on to someone else’s definition of success. Define your success in accordance with your values. What do you stand for? Act accordingly and believe in what you are doing.
- Take steps today. Are you out of work, in a job you hate, separated or in a toxic relationship? Whether you are young or old, it does not matter. What do you want your life to look like? Identify what is important for you and decide what will be the first small step on your journey to getting the life you deserve. Try writing down how you want to be treated, then consider if you are currently being treated in this way, or in a way that makes you feel upset, resentful and hopeless.
Take steps today to enhance your self-esteem and confidence. Focus on the things that are under your control and change one barrier at the time. What can you do when you are up against the wall? You can demolish it. You can complain about the wall. You can create a window. The choice is yours.
Image: Flickr.com
License: Creative Commons Copyright
All rights reserved by Chris & Karen Highland
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